Loikai

A stark and hazy veil of deception and lies, Clouds my vision and makes it difficult to rise Above the hypocritical and wickedly Illicit ways I call my own. Compassionate, Discreet, and whole-heartedly sweet: It's how they perceive me, How they expect me to be. And beneath those expectations, Lies a pressure so dense So full of suspense That you could Slice it with a knife And there'd still be more times thrice. All leading to: The need to feel separated, Medicated, and heavily Sedated. From Commitment, Your judgement, And this whole fucking existence. Stop it, Pause it, rewind it if you must. Life's playing it's film, Full

I never thought...               You'd:        Leave me like this,          Hurt me like this,         Desert me like this. I guess...                           You expected me to:         Forget about it,        Move on with it,         Live without it. You didn't know..                       You were:         My best friend,       My back brace,         My first love. Bet you couldn't see that..                                  I:         Supported you,        Cried for you,         Would've died for you. Still..                  Without a word, you:          Vanished,        Disappeared,         Dissipated. S

Hurt me once, Shame on you. Hurt me twice, Shame on me. Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally. Defied my trust and now you'll see, That Pain is dealt so easily. You had your world, Placed at my feet. Promises, Promises. So bitterly sweet. But come what may, And come what might. Fuck your world, It's day and night. I've claimed your soul, a fair exchange. You stole my life, And fueled more pain. Hurt me once or Hurt me twice But hurt me thrice, You'll pay the price.

The sting of reality, shrouded by a veil, a veil of false redemption. Angelic, Naive, Untouched. Remove the veil, the sting sets in. Like a malicious attack, A cobra's strike. Deadly, Tainted, Depraved. The world's mask, Unveiled for what it is. No longer what it was. Pleasure, Euphoria, Tears. Now one's only escape. For once the mask is gone, Pretending becomes impractical. Pleasure. A high difficult to depict. Euphoria. A high easily manipulated. Tears. A high not easily lapsed. Hypocritical. Behind the scenes. Is what the world is. Is what the world becomes. Is what we strive not to be. Is what I am. My veil. M

All by Myself. Difficult. Terrified. Don't want to find myself, All by myself. That feeling, That starts, Right in the core. That burns me through and through. That feeling, That let's me know, I'm all by myself. My thoughts, Emotions. Trembling with fear, Fear that, In the end, makes me realize, I'm all by myself. Just want to leave it. Abandon it all. Start over. A brand new slate, Life, And a brand new chance. Until I realize I'd have to do it. Do it, All by myself. Am I the only one? The only one, Who's Petrified? Horrified? Glorified? For being all by myself? Likely, But Doubtful. Like still water. P

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face.. And I'll laugh, when I really feel like crying. Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is. Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play. Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together. Just for this morning, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles. Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even the tini

If I do this now, Will you mourn? If I go ahead with it, Will you care? If I press it down and slice it open, Will you notice me then? Will you hear my cries, When this thick crimson liquid laces my bathwater? If I do it with the knife you gave me, Will you feel the guilt? Will you hear the trickling of the water, If I leave the faucet on? Let it surge.. Stain the tile with my presence, Warm and soothing as my worries drift away, Complete and utter remission.. Submerged and Asphyxiated, It's over now..I'm done.